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题目

当季新题

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Is it right to tell children they can achieve anything by trying hard?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. Giving this message to them can produce several effects on each child.

In the social point of view, telling this to children is very important because we are motivating the child not to give up. We are making him to try hard, to make an effort, to read between lines and at the end of that long path achieve their objectives. Telling that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, we are saying in other words that things are not so simple or easy but they are not imposible, is all about working hard and doing our best.

Sometimes this is not helpfull because we not always achieve our dreams or goals but it does not mean we did not try hard, it was just because another person deserve it more than us. So, although we try hard, there are other factors playing a role in our path.

In the economic point of view, if our objectives demand a lot of money, we are again in the same situation, although we work hard, it would be difficult to achieve it.

To sum up, we are teaching to children how life works, it demands hard work, effort, dedication, time doing things we don't like, studying and attitude. And at the end, if you have done all these things but you still did not achieve your goal, you will be happy anyway because you did your best.

6.0
Overall Score

The candidate presents a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of telling children that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. While some points are well-articulated, there are several grammatical and lexical errors that affect the clarity and coherence of the essay.

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词汇及语法错误批注| 5

In the social point of view, telling this to children is very important because we are motivating the child not to give up.
From a social perspective, telling children this is very important because it motivates them not to give up.
介词的语法错误：应使用 'From a social perspective' 而不是 'In the social point of view'. 代词单复数错误：应该用 'them' 而不是 'the child'，因为在之前的句子中提到了‘children’.
We are making him to try hard, to make an effort, to read between lines and at the end of that long path achieve their objectives.
We encourage them to try hard, make an effort, read between the lines, and ultimately achieve their objectives.
及物动词的使用错误和代词单复数错误：不需要使用 'making him to', 可以直接用 'encourage them to'. 'Read between lines' 是一个短语错误，正确的说法是 'read between the lines'.
it was just because another person deserve it more than us.
it was simply because another person deserved it more than we did.
时态错误和代词使用错误：'deserve' 应该是过去式 'deserved' 和 'us' 应改为 'we did' 以保持语义和时态一致。
In the economic point of view, if our objectives demand a lot of money, we are again in the same situation, although we work hard, it would be difficult to achieve it.
From an economic perspective, if our objectives require a significant amount of money, we find ourselves in the same situation; even with hard work, achieving them would be difficult.
介词的语法错误：应该使用 'From an economic perspective' 而不是 'In the economic point of view'. 不间断句子：用分号 ';' 替代逗号，以避免不间断句子。
And at the end, if you have done all these things but you still did not achieve your goal, you will be happy anyway because you did your best.
In the end, if you have done all these things but still haven't achieved your goal, you'll still be content knowing you did your best.
时态错误和修饰语错位：应该用 'haven't achieved' 而不是 'did not achieve'. 'Will be happy anyway' 可以更精确地改为 'you'll still be content knowing you did your best'。

6|写作任务回应情况

The task is generally addressed, and the candidate explores both the advantages and disadvantages of the issue. However, the depth of the discussion could be improved, and the points are sometimes unclear.

优势点

The essay attempts to cover both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. It also provides some reasoning for each point mentioned.

建议改进的方面

The essay could benefit from a deeper exploration of the topic. Some points are briefly mentioned without much elaboration.The essay barely meets the minimum word count of 250 words, and adding more content would provide a more comprehensive response.

关于如何改进

如何完整回应题目

Make sure to explore each advantage and disadvantage in depth. Explain why each point is significant, and if possible, support it with concrete examples.

如何展开观点

Use real-life examples or hypothetical situations to elaborate on the points you are making. This adds depth to your arguments.

如何点题

Always relate your points back to the main topic to maintain focus. Avoid going off-topic.

上下文展开

Start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion to provide a complete response.

更优的格式

Stick to the traditional essay format consisting of an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to make your essay more organized and easier to follow.

行文结构

The structure mostly fits the requirement, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more structured. They should contain a clear topic sentence and at least three sentences of elaboration to fully develop each point.

6|连贯与衔接

The essay is organized with clear paragraphs, but some of the sentences are overly long and somewhat confusing, affecting the coherence. Linking words like 'because,' 'although,' and 'sometimes' are used, but not always effectively.

优势点

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and attempts to organize ideas in a logical manner. Some use of transitional phrases like 'To sum up' and 'In the social point of view' helps guide the reader through the argument.

建议改进的方面

The essay lacks clear topic sentences in the body paragraphs, making it challenging to immediately understand the main point of each paragraph.Ideas within paragraphs could be better sequenced for improved flow.The use of discourse markers could be enhanced to better signal the relationship between ideas.

关于如何改进

逻辑组织

Comment：To improve coherence, try to organize your ideas in a more structured manner, leading from one point to the next in a logical sequence.

Example：Start by introducing the advantage, explaining it, and then providing an example before moving on to the disadvantage.

主题组织

Comment：Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea. This helps in better presentation of your argument.

Example：Begin each body paragraph with a sentence like, 'One advantage of telling children they can achieve anything is...' or 'However, a drawback of this approach is...'

逻辑衔接顺序

Comment：Ensure each paragraph flows logically, with each sentence building on the previous one.

Example：After stating an advantage or disadvantage, the next sentence should explain why it is an advantage or disadvantage, followed by an example or further elaboration.

引用替换

Comment：Use pronouns and other reference words to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions.

Example：Instead of repeating 'children' frequently, alternate with pronouns like 'they' or 'them' where appropriate.

标志性逻辑提示词

Comment：Employ discourse markers to signal transitions between ideas, both within and across paragraphs.

Example：Use phrases like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader through your essay.

6|词汇丰富程度

The range of vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied. Spelling errors such as 'helpfull' and 'imposible' detract from the quality of the language used.

imposible

这个单词拼写错误。应当是'impossible'而不是'imposible'。

helpfull

这个单词拼写错误。应当是'helpful'而不是'helpfull'。

deserve it more than us

这个短语可以更精确地表达。使用'were more deserving than us'来替换'deserve it more than us'使语句更清晰。

In the social point of view,

'From a social perspective' 是更准确和自然的说法，它比'in the social point of view'更常用。

In the economic point of view,

'From an economic perspective' 是更准确和自然的说法，它比'in the economic point of view'更常用。

read between lines

这是一个常用的成语，应正确地写作'read between the lines'。

we are teaching to children

在这个情况下，'to'是多余的。应该是'we are teaching children'而不是'we are teaching to children'。

6|语法多样性及准确性

There are some grammatical errors, such as 'we are making him to try hard,' and inconsistent tenses. These errors affect the accuracy and range, but the meaning is generally clear.

In the social point of view, telling this to children is very important because we are motivating the child not to give up.

介词的语法错误：应使用 'From a social perspective' 而不是 'In the social point of view'. 代词单复数错误：应该用 'them' 而不是 'the child'，因为在之前的句子中提到了‘children’.

We are making him to try hard, to make an effort, to read between lines and at the end of that long path achieve their objectives.

及物动词的使用错误和代词单复数错误：不需要使用 'making him to', 可以直接用 'encourage them to'. 'Read between lines' 是一个短语错误，正确的说法是 'read between the lines'.

it was just because another person deserve it more than us.

时态错误和代词使用错误：'deserve' 应该是过去式 'deserved' 和 'us' 应改为 'we did' 以保持语义和时态一致。

In the economic point of view, if our objectives demand a lot of money, we are again in the same situation, although we work hard, it would be difficult to achieve it.

介词的语法错误：应该使用 'From an economic perspective' 而不是 'In the economic point of view'. 不间断句子：用分号 ';' 替代逗号，以避免不间断句子。

And at the end, if you have done all these things but you still did not achieve your goal, you will be happy anyway because you did your best.

时态错误和修饰语错位：应该用 'haven't achieved' 而不是 'did not achieve'. 'Will be happy anyway' 可以更精确地改为 'you'll still be content knowing you did your best'。

高分范文

Is it prudent to assure children that unbounded success is achievable through sheer effort? Across diverse cultures, such a sentiment is frequently imparted to youngsters, carrying with it a range of implications. From a societal standpoint, advocating this message is invaluable as it fosters resilience and determination in children. By encouraging them to persistently strive, overcome obstacles, and discern the nuances in various life scenarios, we equip them with the skills necessary to eventually realize their ambitions. This essentially conveys that while the road to success may be fraught with challenges, the obstacles are not insurmountable but require dedicated endeavor and optimal performance. However, this idealized notion is not without drawbacks. Despite utmost diligence, not every individual attains their envisioned pinnacle of success; occasionally, another may simply be more deserving due to superior aptitude or circumstance. Thus, it is important to recognize that while persistent effort is a crucial element, it's not the sole determinant in the complex equation of life's achievements. From a financial angle, the practicality of certain ambitions may hinge on considerable monetary investment. In such instances, even relentless work may not suffice to reach the goal, adding another layer of complexity to the equation. In conclusion, instilling in children the ethos that life requires hard work, tenacity, focus, ongoing education, and a proactive approach is fundamental. Yet, it is equally crucial to temper this with the understanding that despite giving one's all, there may be external factors beyond one's control that can impact the outcome. Ultimately, the key takeaway is that the journey itself becomes rewarding when one has invested significant effort, even if the endpoint is not as initially envisioned.

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